All That and a Bag of Mail: LSU’s Hot Goalie Trying Out For Kicker

Sorry the mailbag is delayed a bit today because of last night’s LSU- Mississippi State game. So I’m just now putting the finishing touches on this week’s edition. All the while trying to get geared up for tomorrow’s UT-Florida game which OKTC will be covering from the Swamp.  It’s one of those quick 24 hour game trips that are high-risk, high-reward. And I’m not even talking about what happens on the field. I’m supposed to land at 11:25 eastern and then I’ll have four hours to get to the Swamp. 

But what if something goes wrong with the flight? Last year I tried to pull this for Alabama at Arkansas and ended up watching the game from my couch at home after a flight delay.

Or what if they’re out of rental cars?

Or what if a tanker truck full of hair gel has turned over en route to Gainesville and also caused the truck full of Little Debbie Snacks — Gator girls have to feed those arms — to also turn over? 

Well, I could be sitting in traffic somewhere watching the game. Or at the Jacksonville airport. So we’ll see how this goes.

I’m planning on being there well before kickoff. But one never knows in the north Florida panhandle.

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is LSU goalie Mo Isom, who will be trying out for the LSU football team next year. Isom, a senior goalie on the soccer team, practiced with LSU on Monday. The only thing that could make the Les Miles reality show better is if he had a female goalie deciding games for him. 

A hot one at that.   

There are millions of things that could go wrong with a hot girl on a football team, but I’m confident that Les will find a way to unintentionally work it all out.

Or be fired for sexual harassment.

On to the mailbag:

Alex D. writes:

Arizona State’s QB has a tattoo typo.  Brock Osweiler’s left bicep tattoo reads: “Live life to it’s fullest.”

Man, that’s tough, really tough. I’ve messed up “its” and “it’s” on Twitter before and I don’t sleep for a week after. I don’t know what I’d do if I had a tattoo with a misplaced apostrophe. Especially one that was publicly prominent like this one.

Every time he gives the touchdown sign on the field he sets back grammar three-hundred years.

Of course this isn’t the first tattoo error, remember when we found out all the NBA players had the Chinese tattoos that didn’t mean what the players thought it did?

Think about how funny that would be if you were Chinese and loved the NBA. Wouldn’t it impact how much you could respect your favorite player? It would have to.

My favorite player is Dirk Nowitzki. If after every made basket he flexed his bicep and he thought it said: “Every Single Play Counts” and instead it said: “I eat Tiger penis,” it would be hard to respect him, right?

By the way, those of us who watched Arizona State beat Missouri thanks to the double-icing of Missouri’s kicker by Gary Pinkel, know that Osweiler is 6’8.” It’s the new Tebow’s roommate.

Eric A. writes:

Is it bi-curious to be single and wear orange pants?

You’re correct that married men can get away with virtually any fashion decision, but you’re wrong in calling into doubt the orange pants.

Orange pants are indescribably awesome no matter what sexuality you embrace.

Now, the Florida fan staple of sleeveless shirts anywhere but the gym? That’s bi-curious.

Also, for those who don’t know, calling something gay is played out. It’s much more effective to call something bi-curious. Try this on your buddy next time he’s wearing something you want to make fun of.

I guarantee he’s burning it.

Lori S. writes:

I know you must be thrilled with Bray, Hunter, and Rogers. I know our true test is this weekend, and I’m thrilled you are picking UT. 

I read last week that Auburn was willing to move to the SEC East if Texas A&M and a 14th team joined the conference.  What is that going to do to rivalry games?  Auburn and Alabama have to play each other.  What about Tennessee/Alabama?  That game has been played for close to 80 years or more I think.  I would love to know your thoughts. 

Good question.

A 14 team SEC would be a temporary stop on the way to 16. So my best guess is this would last for no more than a year or two. Also keep in mind that moving Auburn to the SEC East is predicated on adding two teams to the SEC West.

Assuming that a 14 team SEC would add a second team in the west, let’s say Missouri, and still played eight conference games, you’d have to drop one of the five division games, two rotating opponents, and one constant cross-division format that is currently employed in the SEC. That’s the 5-2-1 model.

What you’d get instead, I think, would be the six division games, one rotating rival, and one constant rival. The 6-1-1 model.

Since this would be a short-term plan, I think the SEC would schedule the first two years with UT-Alabama as the rotating opponents. That way the third Saturday in October is maintained for two years. What’s more interesting is this question, would UT’s new yearly rival become Texas A&M or Missouri?

If you assume, I think correctly, that Auburn and Alabama are cross-division rivals, Tennessee and Georgia would both need new yearly SEC West games. So assuming Missouri is the 14th team, how hard do you think both Georgia and Tennessee would fight for a yearly game against Texas A&M?

Both teams would want that entrance into the Texas market for recruiting. Neither team would want to play Missouri since it’s not a fertile recruiting region and it isn’t a nationally prominent game. Although, maybe, one of these teams would take Missouri because they think it’s an easier path to the SEC title.

It will be fascinating to see how this turns out.

LG writes:

LIKING YOU SOME AGGY WEINER IS MAKING YOU THINK LIKE AN IDIOT..AGGY IS IN FOR A HUGE ARSERAPING WHEN/IF THEY LEAVE..CANT WAIT FOR THAT MELTDOWN 

The amount of hate mail I get for being “pro Aggy” is astounding. I’m pro-SEC expanding into Texas. I’m also pro-telling the truth.

So if that makes me pro A&M so be it. I happen to think that A&M’s leaders are making the smart move, and Texas’s leaders are making the scared one. Fortune favors the bold, especially in Texas.

I also happen to think that most major media isn’t covering the SEC’s addition of Texas A&M very honestly. (I’m looking right at you ESPN).

Also, Longhorn fans are wrong in thinking I’m anti-Texas. I wish the SEC was adding Texas and Texas A&M because I love visiting your state and I think it would be great for our conference. I’m just astounded that Texas fans aren’t more pro-active in making the argument to at least consider joining the SEC.

I understand that the Texas administration is scared of the SEC, but that doesn’t mean Longhorn fans should be too.

Finally, Aggy weiner, surprisingly, tastes just like chicken. Who knew?

Ben Z. writes:

You’ve probably already seen this, but I know you like ole Dan.

Dan Mullen as Cousin Eddie:

“Clark, you really would have thrown the ball on second down?”

I got a bunch of emails and Tweets asking if I’m still in love with Dan Mullen after the past two weeks.

Let me just say this, our love is on the ropes. I know the SEC West is tough, but Mullen is 2-10 against the SEC West in his first three years at State.

State is now 1-2 and beat Memphis by almost the same margin as Arkansas State did. So that one victory doesn’t look so good.

Looking at State’s schedule, 6-6 and the Liberty Bowl is a very distinct possibility.

If that happens 2011 will be a big step back after 2010. There’s no way Mark Richt is getting fired for Dan Mullen if Mullen wins any less than eight games. And 8-4 is looking pretty damn tough right now.

Bryan M. writes:

Clay,

Contingent on ESPN and Fox keeping their contracts with the Big 12 (in whatever form) it seems CBS has an interest in upping their contract with the SEC to bring in Texas A&M and possibly Missouri. Here’s why. 1) They’ll recoup  their investment since advertisers like extra viewers. 2) If their funds help the SEC siphon off valuable assets from the Big 12 they force competitors (FOX and ESPN) to waste money on a grossly overpriced property: the Big 12 TV package.  Corollary to #2, if Fox and ESPN are obligated to televise “x” number of games in “x” time slots it forces them to put a weaker product opposite CBS’ product.  It’s a win-win. Strategically CBS has to back the SEC’s play. 

This is a really good point.

When the SEC adds Texas A&M, CBS is actually incentivized to do exactly what you suggest, drive up the price of the SEC’s new package.

CBS is in a great position here because they don’t have to worry about any conflicts.

Ryan D. writes: 
 

So now we know where Derek Dooley got the idea for the Orange pants…. Clay Travis wearing these in a 2009 photo.

It’s always interesting to see people posting pictures of you as a fashion maven on Facebook. (Forget Blue Steel, I’m perfecting the “Early in the damn morning” look here). But I’d actually had the pants for two years by 2009.

I actually got my orange pants — replete with the power T and my initials — back in 2007. So I’ve had them four years now.

Where can you get your own pair.

Right here.

Check back to OKTC tomorrow and we’ll be live from the Swamp. 

Can’t wait.  

 To get you ready for the weekend, here’s my gift to you, the best moments of Leon from season 8 of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

 

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