West Virginia plays LSU this Saturday night. ESPN’s College Gameday will be on campus. It’s an opportunity for West Virginia, the school rejected by both the ACC and the SEC in the past week, to refine its image. No hillbilly jokes, no cavity-laden teeth, no shirts with curse words on them. At least not if the school has any say in it. Recall that during the week of the West Virginia-Marshall game ESPN cameras caught a student wearing the t-shirt. Since then the image has spread everywhere. There’s only one solution to remove vulgarities from in front of our children:
Welcome to the West F’in Virginia t-shirt amnesty program. Return your shirt with an expletive on it and receive an officially licensed WVU t-shirt in exchange. Let’s go to the story:
“The Mountaineer Maniacs have introduced a T-shirt Amnesty program to help exchange West F……. Virginia T-shirts. Students who bought the shirt can bring it to the Mountainlair and exchange it for a $20 voucher to buy an officially licensed T-shirt at the WVU Bookstore, Book Exchange or WVU’s Team Shop in the Coliseum.
“This is a great opportunity for students to make the right decision and gain something in return for having great sportsmanship,” said Maniacs Director Steve Staffileno. “The Mountaineer Maniacs always promote positive sportsmanship from all WVU students and fans.”
The fact that West Virginia modeled a t-shirt amnesty program after a gun buyback program is not surprising in the least.
But it also got me wondering, if college football fans had the opportunity to offer fashion amnesty to what their own fan base wears to games, what would you like to see disappear? After all, as much as we like to make fun of each other’s team, it’s impossible to defend much of what you see on a gameday.
But instead of just relying on my own sense of fashion, I tossed out the question to you on Twitter, given fashion amnesty what would you try and remove? Several hundred of you responded immediately.
Here are y’alls best suggestions:
1. Gene Chizik’s leather jacket.
Win a football game?
Fall off a bad ass motorcycle, slide along the pavement and still emerge with no damage to the torso?
You know what these look like already. But have you seen a man in a belly shirt and jorts wearing a hog hat before?
Now you have and your eyes can’t unsee this.
The sunglasses may be my favorite part of the outfit. That or the molester ‘stache.
In fact, I can’t even pick a favorite part.
3. “Orange” you glad you’re a Vol merchandise.
Believe it or not some people think it’s funny to use the word orange instead of aren’t you. Get it, get it, the shirts are orange. And aren’t you is replaced by a color that vaguely sounds like aren’t you when someone with a 3rd grade education speaks
Yeah, the fact that these shirts have ever sold is why China will own us in thirty years.
4. Hotty Toddy Man at Ole Miss.
Ole Miss has all sorts of racial disputes. Dixie, Colonel Reb, you name it, Ole Miss is always steeped in some form of controversy. You know what could lead to racial reconciliation in Oxford? The execution of Hotty Toddy man at halftime of the Georgia game.
5. Wake Forest tie-dye.
Pat Robertson says this is what happens when a Baptist school renounces its ties to Jesus.
Well, that and gay people.
6. Nebraska Corn Cob hats.
The only thing worse than these hats? Sitting behind someone wearing this hat.
You can’t see a damn thing.
7. The Got… t-shirts.
Every school, it seems, has a t-shirt that plays on the Got Milk? ad. The only thing dumber than the Got Milk? ad is the fact that someone turned that ad into a sports t-shirt. The only thing dumber than that? That these shirts were a success.
There is a 100% chance that if you’re wearing a “Got” t-shirt, you have an IQ of less than 100.
8. Bobby “Mother F’ing” Petrino t-shirts
I refuse to give amnesty to these shirts. In fact, I want one.
Can someone get me one?
(Y’all sent me the link two minutes after this went up.)
Okay, so they’re understated. Here’s the link to the t-shirt.
9. Adult sized jerseys.
Jersey-wearing by grown men is tough to defend no matter what, but grown men in college jerseys is the toughest to defend of all.
Do these people look at themselves in the mirror?
You’re fat and 56, do you really need to be wearing a Marcus Lattimore jersey?
Do what I do, every time you see a guy in a college jersey at a non-sports stadium, tap your friend and say, “Man, can’t believe (insert player here) is out at (insert location here).”
Trust me, it doesn’t get old.
10. Tyler Bray’s back tat
This needs to be a t-shirt.
It’s impermissible under NCAA rules, but it still needs to be a t-shirt.
Maybe Tyler Bray was smarter than we all thought when he got this tattoo.
11. Because A.J. McCarron’s chest tattoo is already a t-shirt.
We’ve got a new challenge for y’all: find the worst dressed person at college football games every weekend. Send us the pictures and we’ll feature them in a gallery.
Many thanks to Riley S. for sending us the Arkansas fan which is going to be almost impossible to beat.
But I’m confident we can do it.
And amnesty to all.